Is It Love You’re After?

Mark slaps me on the ass with a firm hand. “Honey, you’re getting laid tonight whether or not you bathe.”

“That’s how I know you love me.”

“That’s how you know we’ve been married 15 years.”

Despite his promise, I jump in the shower. I am not interrupted even once by questions like “Mom, have you seen my DS?”, “Mom, can you sign this for me right now?”, or “Mom, is it okay if I pee while you’re in there?”

Mark is serious about getting lucky, what with romancing me like this. Some think there’s a better way, but they haven’t had two kids, two cats, a dog, and no privacy for twelve years.

I stop short in nothing but a towel at the bedroom door. Wood floors – we do have them. It’s been so long, they’d become a myth. And what is that on the bed? Have we always had pillows shaped like tubes and giant squares? If I think back hard enough, I have a hazy recollection that they came with our bedding set. I take a peek under the cat-hair-free comforter. Clean sheets.

Oh yeah. That man is getting laid until his brains come out his ears.

Submitted for Thursday Threads Week 108: All Kinds of Love
Required phrase: “There’s a better way”
Placed: Honorable Mention

ThursThreads HM

The Best Gift

Jason walked the length of the dry aquarium with his arm tucked in Daniel’s. The ivory-skinned man behind the glass rolled to his stomach and flipped the page of his book.

“I don’t know, Jason.” Daniel’s chocolate braids tickled Jason’s shoulder as he shook his head. “He looks like he’ll snap in two with a mere embrace. What’s the return policy?”

“If he’s broken? We’ll probably have to keep him. So we should splurge on the insurance policy.” Jason put a hand to the glass, and the man inside peered up through his lashes, hazel eyes glittering in the low light. So lovely.“Look at that sweet smile, Daniel. Just look.”

Jason reached back to slip his own golden hand into Daniel’s dark one.

“Shawn,” Daniel read off the description plate. “Available February 13th through 15th, no option to purchase.” He frowned. “Come now, love, you know how easily I become attached. This young man definitely won’t work.”

“Ah well. I do believe there’s an older man on the other side weaving fabrics. He’s a bit more stout.”

“Older than me?”


“No. If I decide to keep him, I don’t want to be wiping the drool of his chin. I want him to be young enough to be wiping it off mine, should I live so long.”

Jason huffed, setting his black bangs a flutter. “Were you this picky when you bought me last Valentine’s Day?”

“Indeed. And see how well that turned out?” Daniel leaned in to brush his lips across Jason’s. Mmmm. Wine and cinnamon. With a nuzzle at Jason’s ear, Daniel asked, “How about a woman this year?”

“Ick.” Jason shivered, and not with pleasure. “My tastes have never been as broad as yours.”

“Excuse me, sirs.” A small elderly man dropped his head in a quick bow as Daniel stepped back. “I hear you’ve not found anyone among our prime options. Perhaps you’d like a look at our reserve collection?”

“Excellent!” Daniel tucked Jason’s hand back into the crook of his elbow as they trailed the attendant.

“If you would take a seat?” The gentleman offered a plush silk chair-and-a-half accompanied by a bottle of red and two glasses. “We show this collection one item at a time, though I rarely need to present more than one. I’ve a skill at reading our finer customers, you see.”

“Promising,” Daniel rumbled for Jason’s ears alone, curled round him in the chair.

When the curtain in front of them opened, a broad shouldered woman stepped into the soft light. Red hair shot from her head in stiff spikes, and freckles tumbled across her nose. Curves up top darted into straight narrow hips and stout thighs. Cute, but… “Daniel?”

Daniel set a warm hand on Jason’s knee. “Shhh, sweet. Look closely. Listen.” Daniel raised his voice. “What is your name?”

“Morgan.” The deep, husky tones tripped like a trace of fingernails up Jason’s spine. Morgan took another step forward, betraying a greater endowment between her legs than one expected to see on a woman.

“Oh.” Jason swallowed.

“Yes.” Daniel tipped his head to the attendant. “Two for the price of one. I approve. My Jason will take care of the payment and stay to receive Morgan. Has she belongings included?”

“The standard week’s worth of clothing, of a quality appropriate to your expectation. Perhaps a few trinkets important to her, if you give her leave to bring them.”

“Of course.” Daniel turned a flashing grin to Jason and traced a soft finger along his jaw. “Thanks for your assistance, pet. Morgan may be the finest Valentine’s present I’ve given myself yet.” Dropping a quick kiss on Jason’s forward, Daniel spun on a heel and left them all behind.

Written for Office Mango’s Love Bites Blog Hop.

She Aims to Misbehave

“… slid a porcupine ‘neath his rump just as he sat down. Word is he jumped fiercely enough to tumble the whole picnic. His date went home decorated in pretzel pudding and strawberry ice.”

“Ellory, that’s naught but a bruit.”  Sammy rinsed the last glass, setting it in the drainer. “Where would Annie find such a cooperative porcupine?”

Dan rounded the corner and propped himself against the kitchen door. “Well, perhaps the wanker’s corpulent backside prevented the poor thing escaping in time.”

“My thoughts exactly.” Ellory kicked his feet up onto the table and tipped his chair back on two legs. “Though our supposition predicates the creature was alive at the time.”

Sammy snorted. “Of course. Why wouldn’t our sweet sister have a sharp, dead rodent in her carry-all, along with the shriveled snake she found last week?”

“Ah!” Daniel help up a finger. “And the slug ooze she extracted not three days previous. Though…,” he dropped his hand and wrinkled his brow, “I did hear she fed that to Nathaniel.”

“Huh,” Ellory grunted. “And here I thought he was just torn up from the night before.”

Daniel flashed his teeth. “When do you think he swallowed it?”

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